Archive for July 18th, 2013

July 18, 2013

Handle with Care

by Tabitha Kidwell

I am not doing so great with this “return to America thing.” It’s rough. I’ve never before been at a point in my life where I didn’t have “the next step” planned. I think, ultimately, this will be a good opportunity for me to grow as a person, but at the moment I pretty much just want to lie in bed and watch reruns of How I Met your Mother.

Luckily, whenever I hit a particularly low point, one of my friends seems to call. I was talking to my friend Michelle last night and she pointed out that our friend Tess’ newborn son Everett and I have basically started life in America at the same time. Turns out, Everett and I actually have a lot in common. We are both unemployed and live with our parents. We can’t feed ourselves – except for when my stepdad cooks something and puts it in front of me, I’ve basically been subsisting on greek yogurt. I hear Everett has an equally bland, unchanging diet. We both cry for extended periods of time for no apparent reason. We have trouble making decisions. We can’t dress ourselves – I keep looking at my 2-year-out-of-date clothing and end up re-wearing the hand-me-down outfit I acquired from the goodwill pile in a friend’s trunk. Actually, I hear Everett has some pretty sweet new clothing, so we do diverge a bit here. But neither of us has any idea who Honey Boo Boo or Robin Thicke are. We both need to develop self-soothing techniques. We have both been drinking a lot of beverages from bottles. And neither of us are ready to make any kind of major plans for the future. So, until Everett starts sleeping through the night, I’m just going to keep on hoping that this one will finally be the one where that guy meets their mother.